When You Feel Numb or Distracted: How EMDR Therapy Helps You Reconnect and Feel Again
Many people come to therapy saying things like:
“I know what happened, but I don’t really feel anything about it.”
“Whenever emotions start to come up, I find myself scrolling or zoning out.”
If that sounds familiar, you’re not broken or “emotionally blocked.”
You’re simply living with a nervous system that learned early on that numbing out or distracting away was the safest option.
For some — especially those with ADHD, trauma history, or chronic stress — this protective pattern becomes an automatic way of surviving.
Why We Go Numb
When the brain detects emotional overload or threat, it activates protective states that dull emotional signals.
This can look like emotional detachment, overthinking instead of feeling, or compulsive distraction through screens, work, or busyness.
Neurologically, this happens because communication between the emotional brain (limbic system, amygdala) and the thinking brain (prefrontal cortex) becomes disrupted.
The body stays on alert — ready for danger — while emotions are pushed aside.
Over time, the system gets “stuck” in survival mode.
You might know you’re safe logically, but your body and emotions haven’t caught up.
This isn’t weakness.
It’s a form of emotional self-protection that once kept you safe, but now keeps you disconnected.
When ADHD and Emotional Avoidance Overlap
People with ADHD often experience emotional dysregulation and chronic overstimulation.
The ADHD brain constantly seeks novelty, speed, or stimulation — not because of laziness or lack of discipline, but because the nervous system is wired for movement and intensity.
When uncomfortable emotions surface, the impulse to switch tasks, scroll, or “do something” can be immediate.
This creates an endless loop of avoidance and distraction — not out of choice, but out of overwhelm.
ADHD and trauma both affect the frontal lobes and limbic system, making it harder to regulate emotion and stay present with difficult feelings.
This means emotional numbness and avoidance are often symptoms of neurobiological overload, not apathy.
How EMDR Helps Reconnect the Brain
Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a structured therapy that helps the brain reprocess distressing experiences and rebuild emotional integration.
Instead of relying solely on talking or analysis, EMDR uses bilateral stimulation (BLS) — alternating left–right eye movements, tones, or tactile taps — to activate both sides of the brain in rhythm.
The Science Behind It
The brain’s hemispheres have different roles:
The left hemisphere handles logic, language, and sequencing.
The right hemisphere processes emotion, imagery, and body sensations.
They’re connected by a thick nerve bridge — the corpus callosum — which allows emotional and rational information to flow between them.
When trauma or chronic stress occurs, this connection weakens. The logical side might know the story, but the emotional side remains disconnected.
Bilateral stimulation reactivates cross-hemispheric communication, allowing emotion and understanding to link again.
In other words, EMDR helps the brain do what it tried to do naturally, but couldn’t — store the memory without the distress.
How EMDR Works on a Neurobiological Level
Memory reconsolidation – EMDR helps “unstick” memories stored in the amygdala and move them to the hippocampus, where they’re given context and meaning.
REM-sleep mimicry – The left-right eye movements mirror what happens during REM sleep, the brain’s natural emotional processing phase.
Amygdala quieting – Neuroimaging studies show that EMDR reduces activity in the amygdala (fear centre) and increases prefrontal activation (logic and self-regulation).
Working memory load – Bilateral stimulation taxes working memory slightly, making distressing images or sensations less vivid and emotionally charged.
Over time, this integration allows you to remember what happened without reliving it.
If You Feel Numb in EMDR Sessions
It’s common for people to say, “I can’t feel anything,” especially early on.
That’s not resistance — it’s protection.
Your therapist will never force emotions to surface. Instead, the process begins by:
Focusing on body sensations rather than emotions
Using grounding and resource-building exercises
Targeting the numbness itself as a starting point
Allowing the brain to reconnect at its own pace
Often, small signals begin to appear first — a shift in breathing, warmth in the chest, or a single tear.
These are signs the emotional circuits are beginning to “switch on” again.
Can You Start Feeling Emotions Again?
Yes — absolutely.
Emotional numbness is reversible, because the nervous system is plastic — it can relearn safety and connection.
In therapy, as the body feels safer and the hemispheres of the brain start communicating again, emotions return naturally.
At first, this might feel strange or even uncomfortable:
you might find yourself tearing up at a song, feeling compassion for your younger self, or noticing warmth where there used to be emptiness.
That’s not regression — that’s healing in motion.
You’re moving from knowing you were hurt to feeling it — and from there, the system can finally release what’s been frozen.
Why This Process Is Gentle and Gradual
If your emotions have been shut down for a long time, they won’t come back all at once — and that’s a good thing.
The nervous system reopens in layers:
Physical awareness – Noticing sensations before emotions.
Subtle feelings – Mild sadness, irritation, or relief.
Full connection – Deep emotion that feels tolerable and meaningful.
The aim isn’t to “break through” emotional walls, but to rebuild safe pathways to feeling.
How EMDR Helps ADHD Brains Reconnect
Because EMDR combines structure, rhythm, and sensory engagement, it often suits ADHD clients well.
You don’t have to sit still and analyse every thought — the stimulation itself keeps both sides of the brain engaged, reducing restlessness.
EMDR helps ADHD clients:
Feel grounded and focused
Reduce emotional reactivity
Process past experiences linked to shame, rejection, or overwhelm
Develop a sense of calm that lasts beyond the session
What Changes Over Time
As EMDR progresses, people often describe:
Less urge to escape through distraction
Feeling present and emotionally “alive” again
Reduced anxiety or shame
Improved concentration and decision-making
More compassion for self and others
It’s not about forcing yourself to feel.
It’s about letting your brain and body rediscover what safe connection feels like.
The Takeaway
If you’ve spent years numbing, distracting, or avoiding feelings, there’s nothing wrong with you — your system just learned to protect you too well.
Through EMDR, it’s possible to reconnect the emotional and logical brain, integrate past experiences, and gently restore your capacity to feel again.
You don’t need to chase emotion; you only need to create the right conditions for it to return.
