When Criticism Hurts: What Emotional Reactions Are Trying to Show Us
When someone says something that feels sharp, dismissive, or judgmental, our reaction often feels immediate and overwhelming.
We might shut down.
Or defend.
Or explain ourselves.
Or feel wounded for hours — sometimes days.
But the emotional pain we feel in those moments is rarely about what was said.
It’s about what a part of us already believes.
Because if someone said something you knew wasn’t true about you, it wouldn’t land.
You would simply observe it — and move on with your day.
No activation.
No emotional spike.
No lingering pain.
Just neutrality.
So when criticism or rejection hurts, it’s not the other person doing something to us — it’s that their words touched something already tender inside.
They pressed on a bruise we didn’t know we were still carrying.
The Emotional Reaction Is a Mirror
When we react strongly to another person’s words, the reaction is a signal:
“There is a part of me that fears that what they’re saying might be true.”
This does not mean the person is right.
It means the nervous system recognizes a familiar wound.
The reaction helps reveal:
A belief we still hold about ourselves.
A place where love has not yet reached.
A younger part that is still unprotected or unheard.
Instead of shaming the reaction, we can honour it.
Turning the Reaction Into Insight
When you notice emotional activation — heat, tightness, defensiveness, hurt — pause and ask:
What part of me believes this?
For example:
If someone calls you selfish, and you react intensely, perhaps a part of you learned as a child that having needs was unacceptable.
If someone calls you too sensitive, and it stings, maybe you were taught your emotional world was “too much.”
If someone calls you not good enough, and your stomach drops, you may still be carrying a core belief of unworthiness formed long before adulthood.
The reaction is the signal.
The signal is guidance.
The guidance is an invitation.
Instead of Defending — Get Curious
The shift sounds like this:
Instead of
“How dare they say that.”
Try
“What part of me fears this may be true?”
Not with self-blame.
With gentleness.
With care.
With the same tone you would use with a child.
Because that is who is reacting — the younger self who once needed protection.
A New Response: Gratitude Instead of War
It can sound like this:
“Thank you for showing me a part of myself I haven’t fully loved yet.”
Not to the other person, but to your inner world.
This is not about agreeing with what was said.
It’s about acknowledging that the reaction is a messenger.
And once the message is received, the emotional charge begins to dissolve.
The wound is no longer running the moment.
You are.
The Paradox: When You Heal the Trigger, The World Changes
When you stop attacking the parts of yourself still learning to heal, something shifts in the outside world too.
You may notice:
The same comments no longer affect you.
People stop talking to you in ways that used to hurt.
The dynamics you once attracted begin to transform.
Not because others changed —
but because your inner relationship changed first.
When you no longer believe the painful story about yourself,
criticism loses its power.
And peace comes not from avoiding difficult people,
but from no longer abandoning yourself in their presence.
The Work Is Not to Avoid Being Triggered — It’s to Listen When You Are
Your emotional reactions are not flaws.
They are intelligence.
They point to where love, presence, and repair are still needed.
So when something hurts:
Pause.
Breathe.
Listen.
Welcome the messenger.
Respond with compassion.
Your inner world is not asking to be fixed.
It is asking to be met.
